SELF-LOVE, From Teachings on Love by Thich Nhat Hanh

“Until we are able to love and take care of ourselves, we cannot be of much help to others.”

We begin practicing this love meditation on ourselves
May I be peaceful, happy and light in body and spirit.
May I be safe and free from injury.
May I be free from anger, afflictions, fear and anxiety.

After that we can practice on others (he/she)
May he/she be peaceful, happy and light in body and spirit.
May he/she be safe and free from injury.
May he/she be free from anger, afflictions, fear and anxiety.

After that we can practice including our selves with others (we),
May we be peaceful, happy and light in body and spirit.
May we be safe and free from injury.

May we be free from anger, afflictions, fear and anxiety.

We begin this practice by looking deeply into the skandha of form, which is our body. According to the Buddha, a human being is made of five skandhas (elements, heaps or aggregates): form, feelings, perceptions, mental formations and consciousness. We are the king, and these elements are our territory. To know the real situations within ourselves, we have to survey our own territory thoroughly, including the elements within us that are at war with each other. To bring about harmony, reconciliation, and healing within, we have to understand ourselves. Looking and listening deeply, surveying our territory, is the beginning of love meditation.

We begin by asking, How is my body in this moment? How was it in the past? How will it be in the future? Later, when we meditate on someone we like, someone neutral to us, someone we love and someone we hate, we also begin by looking at her physical aspects. Breathing in and out, we visualize her face; her way of walking, sitting and talking; her heart, lungs kidneys and all the organs in her body, taking as much time as we need to bring these details into awareness. But we always start with ourselves. When we see our own five skandhas clearly, understanding and love arise naturally, and we know what to do and what not to do to take better care of ourselves.

We look into our body to see whether it is at peace or suffering from illness. We look at the condition of our lungs, our heart our intestines, our kidneys, our liver, to see what the real needs of our body are. When we do, we will eat, drink and act in ways that demonstrate our love and our compassion for our body. Usually we just follow ingrained habits. But when we look deeply, we see that many of these habits harm our body and mind, so we work to transform these habits into ways conducive to good health and vitality.

Next we observe our feelings whether they are pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. Feelings flow in us like a river, and each feeling is a drop in that river. We look into the river of our feelings and see how each feeling came to be. We see what has been preventing us from being happy, and we do our best to prevent those things. We practice the wondrous, refreshing and healing elements that are within us and in the world. Doing so, we become stronger and better able to love ourselves and others. Are you sure? Then we meditate on our perceptions. The Buddha observed, The person who suffers most in this world is the person with many wrong perceptions.... And most of our perceptions are erroneous. We see a snake in the dark and we panic, but when our friend shines a light on it, we see that it is only a rope. We have to know which wrong perceptions cause us to suffer. Please calligraph the sentence, Are you sure? on a piece of paper and tape it to your wall. Love meditation helps us to learn to look with clarity and serenity in order to improve the way we perceive.

Next we observe our mental formations, the ideas and tendencies within us that lead us to speak and act as we do. We practice looking deeply to discover the true nature of our mental formations how we are influenced by our individual consciousness and also by the collective consciousness of our family, ancestors and society. Unwholesome mental formations cause so much disturbance; wholesome mental formations bring about love, happiness and liberation.

Finally we look at our consciousness. According to Buddhism, consciousness is like a field with every possible seed in it seeds of love, compassion, joy and equanimity; seeds of anger, fear, and anxiety; and seeds of mindfulness. Consciousness is the storehouse that contains all these seeds, all possibilities that might arise in our mind. When our mind is not at peace, it may be because of the desires and feelings in our store consciousness. To live in peace we have to be aware of our tendencies our habit energies so we can exercise some self-control. This is the practice of preventative health care. We look deeply into the nature of our feelings to find their roots, to see which feelings need to be transformed, and we nourish those feelings that bring about peace joy and well-being.

Is there anyone who loves you as much as yourself? One day King Prasenajit of Koshala asked Queen Mallika, My dear wife, is there anyone who loves you as much as yourself? The Queen laughed and responded, My dear husband is there anyone who loves you more than you love yourself? The next day they told the Buddha of their conversation and he said You are correct. There is no one in the universe more dear to us than ourselves. The mind may travel in a thousand directions, but it will find no one else more beloved. The moment you see how important it is to love yourself, you will stop making others suffer.

King Prasenajit and the Buddha became close friends. One day, while they were sitting together in the Jeta Grove, the king said to the Buddha, Master, there are people who think they love themselves, but who harm themselves by their thoughts, words and deeds. These people are their own worst enemy. The Buddha agreed. Those who harm themselves through their thoughts, words or actions are indeed their own worst enemies. They only bring themselves suffering. We usually think our suffering is caused by othersour parents, our partner, our enemies. But out of our forgetfulness, anger or jealousy, we say or do things that create suffering for ourselves and others. Another time the Buddha told King Prasenajit, People usually think they love themselves. But because they are not mindful, they say and do things that create their own suffering. When we see that this is true we will stop blaming others as the cause our suffering. Instead, we will try to love and care for ourselves and nourish our own body and mind.

To practice this love meditation from the Visuddhimagga, sit still, calm your body and your breathing, and recite, May I be peaceful, happy and light in body and spirit. May I be safe and free from injury. May I be free from anger, afflictions, fear and anxiety. The sitting position is a wonderful position for practicing this. Sitting still we are not too preoccupied with other matters, so we can look deeply at ourselves as we are, cultivate our love for ourselves, and determine the best ways to express this love in the world.

The practice begins with an aspiration: May I be.... Then we transcend the level of aspiration and look deeply at all the positive and negative characteristics of the object of our meditation, in this case, ourselves. The willingness to love is not yet love. We look deeply, with all our being, in order to understand. We don't just repeat the words, or imitate others, or strive after some ideal. The practice of love meditation is not auto-suggestion. We don't just say, I love myself. I love all beings. We look deeply at our body, our feelings, our perceptions, our mental formations, and our consciousness, and in just a few weeks, our aspiration to love will become a deep intention. Love will enter our thoughts, our words, and our actions, and we will notice that we have become peaceful, happy and light in body and spirit: safe and free from injury; and free from anger, afflictions, fear and anxiety.

When you practice, observe how much peace, and lightness you already have. Notice whether you are anxious about accidents or misfortunes, and how much your anger, irritation, fear, anxiety or worry are already in you, your self-understanding will deepen. You will see how your fears and lack of peace contribute to your unhappiness, and you will see the value of loving yourself and cultivating a heart of compassion. instead of living with some generalized fear of accidents, observe the ways you injure yourself all the time, and take appropriate actions to minimize illness and injury.

Look deeply, not just while you are on your meditation cushion but wherever you are, whatever you are doing. Living mindfully is the best way to prevent accidents and protect yourself. Recognize your deep desire to live in peace and safety, to have the support you need, and to practice the mindfulness. You might like to write down some of your observations and insights. The Buddha said that once we realize that we are the closest and most precious person on Earth to ourselves, we will stop treating ourselves as an enemy. This practice dissolves in us any wish we might have to harm ourselves or others.

May I be free from anger, afflictions, fear and anxiety. Anger is a hazard that affects everyone, including ourselves. When we are overcome by anger, our peace and happiness vanish. Some people's lives are consumed by anger. They become furious when someone just bumps into them. Is this because of the circumstances or because of the seeds of anger in them? Look deeply at the seeds of anger in yourself; look deeply at those you think have brought you harm. Love meditation helps understand both, and it helps us let go of our habitual patterns of thought and action that create more suffering. We see that the person who has harmed us is himself suffering very much. Contemplating his suffering generates understanding and love in us, and with these energies, healing is possible. When our heart is opened, our suffering is diminished right away. The practice of love meditation liberates us from our afflictions.

A Brahman asked the Buddha, Master, is there anything you would agree to kill? and the Buddha answered Yes, anger. Killing anger removes suffering and brings about peace and happiness. Anger is the single enemy that all the wise ones agree to kill. The Buddha's response impressed him, and he became a monk in the Buddha's Sangha. When the man's cousin learned that he had become a monk, he cursed the Buddha to his face. The Buddha only smiled. The man became even more incensed and asked, Why don't you respond? The Buddha replied If someone refuses a gift it must be taken back by the one who offered it. Angry words and actions hurt, first of all, oneself. After that the Buddha recited this verse:

For those with no anger,
how can anger arise?
When you practice deep looking and master yourself,
you dwell in peace, freedom, and safety.
The one who offends another
after being offended by him,
harms himself and harms the other.
When you feel hurt
but do not hurt the other,
you are truly victorious.
Your practice and your victory benefit both of you.
When you understand the roots of anger in yourself and in the other,
your mind will enjoy true peace , joy and lightness.
You become the doctor who heals himself and heals the other.
If you don't understand,
you will think not getting angry to be the act of a fool.

Those with no anger means people who have no seeds of anger in their store consciousness. We get angry, first of all, because of the seeds of anger we carry within, seeds that may have been transmitted by our parents and our society. Even a small irritation can bring that anger to the surface. A person without seeds of anger can smile no matter what is said to him.

When you practice deep looking and master yourself, you dwell in peace freedom and safety. People who are able to exercise self-control are not drawn into the cycle of anger. The insight they have gained through looking deeply protects their mind and body. Looking deeply is the practice of love, compassion, joy and equanimity.

The one who offends another after being offended by him, harms himself and harms the other. When someone shouts at you, if you shout back you suffer, the other person suffers, and the anger continues to escalate. Avoid such actions. They only harm both sides.

When you feel hurt but do not hurt the other you are truly victorious. Your practice and your victory benefit both of you. When you get hurt, hurting the other person will only cause the suffering to continue. Practice mindful breathing and you will create a win-win situation for both sides.

To love is first of all to accept yourself as you actually are When you understand the roots of anger in yourself and in the other, your mind will enjoy true peace, joy and and lightness. Looking deeply, you see that the other person is angry because of her lack of mindfulness, her wrong understanding, or the seeds of anger transmitted by her parents, ancestors or society. This understanding will bring you peace, joy and freedom right away.

You become the doctor who heals himself and heals the other. When someone shout at you angrily and you respond by smiling, without anger, that person may slowly begin to understand and eventually transform his anger. You heal your illness and that of others, like a great physician.

If you don't understand, you will think not getting angry to be the act of a fool. They may say fight back! Don't let yourself be talked to like that! But they do not yet understand this deep teaching of the Buddha. When you feel anger arising, remember to return your too your breathing and follow it. The other person may see that you are practicing and she may even apologize. It can be beneficial to memorize this verse.

We pray that our daily lives will be free from hazards and injuries. We hope that anger will not arise. But if it does arise, we know how to deal with it. In this love meditation from the Visuddhimagga, anger, afflictions, fear and anxiety refer to all the unwholesome states of mind that dwell in us and rob us of our peace and happiness. Anger, fear, anxiety, craving, greed and ignorance are the great afflictions of our time. By practicing mindful living, we are able to deal with them, and our love is translated into effective action.

Practice looking deeply all day long during sitting meditation, walking meditation, at work and at home. When you do, you will discover the true nature of the five skandhas form, feelings, perceptions, mental formations and consciousness. You will see the conditions that have caused you to be the way you are, and this makes it very easy for you to accept yourself your suffering and your happiness at the same time. To love is first of all to accept yourself as you actually are. Knowing thyself is the first practice of love.