What is a Spiritual Life
A Spiritual Audit
Talk by Ajahn Viradhammo February 17, 2005,
It’s very helpful to frequently do a self-audit, a spiritual audit.
What self-audits are: They are an inquiry as to where I am, on the spiritual path? What needs to be developed?
What self-audits are not: They do not lead to, self-hatred, self-disparagement, self-criticism, self-pity.
To do a self-audit, we have to know what things are valuable in a whole and complete spiritual life. Those are the things that we audit.
From the Buddhist perspective, we can identify those things in terms of several questions that you can ask yourself:
(paraphrased)
What is the spiritual goal?
What model/s are to be used?
Do I know and care for my body?
How present am I to the body, heart & mind?
Is there simplicity in the intellectual model and awareness of the body?
Does your spiritual practice have a goal?
Is there direction? Do you have a vision of what the spiritual life can be? Beyond just an ad hoc “being happy.”
All of the teachings of the Buddha come from his “enlightenment”, from the goal that he realized. Enlightenment might be called the “goal of goal-less-ness,” but that is still a goal. In Buddhism, the goal is stated mostly in the negative, e.g., the Unconditioned, Uncreated, Unformed. These are things that cannot be realized intellectually, only intuitively, meditatively. The goal is also talked about negatively in terms of the end of greed, hatred, & delusion. In positive terms, the goal is talked about as the “unshakable deliverance of the heart”, or as the “empathy of the heart which is truly connected to all beings.”
What does “religion” or “spirituality” imply for you? Is it emotional/psychological wholeness? maturity? Or what? What is the goal?
If we only focus on the negative perspectives, we’ll get discouraged. There has to be an aspiring aspect as well. How do you get uplifted? How do you get aspiration? For example, I like to read about saints—Buddhist, Hindu, Christian, Sufi, etc.. That gives me aspiration. Is there imagery or music or ‘x’ in your life that brings forth faith? Do you have intuitive / faith / devotion oriented imagery in your life? Our commercial culture doesn’t provide that in a helpful way; even temples look like storefront meat markets; so we have to do this for ourselves.
Do you have an intellectual framework for your spiritual practice?
We need an intellectual framework that we can rely upon in times of doubt, emotional distress. In Buddhism, having this framework is an aspect of being grounded in “right understanding,” the first teaching of the path. The Buddhist path is not just an intellectual thing, but the Buddha’s intellectual prowess was amazing, and having a sound intellectual framework is a crucial part of Buddhist spirituality. It becomes your “model.”
Having this framework won’t define the Unconditioned for you; that can only be realized intuitively, experientially, but the framework will give you a map, a methodology for the spiritual project. I like to call it a project. It’s a life project. If you have a map for the spiritual project, it allows you to go deeper, cultivating your intuition and meditation…
If you have one sound philosophy or framework that you’re well grounded in intellectually – and it doesn’t have to be exclusivist – then you can explore other perspectives well. If you have no framework, it’s hard to explore other perspectives without misunderstanding them and getting confused.
When you have a sound intellectual framework, then the questions you ask will be the right questions. In the Buddhist perspective, when there is “right understanding,” a person is concerned with questions that are actually helpful, like “Why do I suffer?” “Why can’t I be at peace now?” The Buddhist map is a way of looking only at actual existential conditions and asking questions about that. The map helps you to not get distracted by other, less helpful, questions.
So, do you have a good intellectual grasp of your spiritual path, whatever it is? I can only think about complex questions deeply if have a life philosophy. There is no end to cultivating this framework, you continue developing it and testing it and refining it for life. For example, in Buddhism you face issues such as “how does the 1st precept relate to Euthanasia?” So, the framework never stops evolving.
What are the actual causes of suffering? Of happiness? Do you have the kinds of intellectual structures that generate and help you work through these kinds of questions? If not, then you have to study more. That’s what you learn from your audit.
3. How well do you know your body?
Profitable thinking is good. But how much time do you spend in unprofitable thinking, e.g. worry? How much time are you actually aware of your body?
Another area to “audit” is your awareness of the body. We may “know” what we like or don’t like about the body, but that is based in thought, that is not actually knowing the body as it is.
The body tends to be “used” rather than known. It gets used as a tool for pleasure, work, etc. But if it is listened to, the body is full of useful information. It doesn’t lie. For example, what is the effect of worry in the body? Where is worry in the body? If instead of letting worry go into thought, I locate it in the body, then the body relaxes. Then I don’t become a nuisance and spread my worry (e.g. to my mother, who I worry about). Or, where is empathy in the body? Where is deep rejection of others (or self) in the body? Where is a deep sense of compassion and connection with others in the body? The body’s language is a language of energy and vibration; it’s not conceptual. How awake are you to hear the body? Once aware of that you can discover truths about yourself through the body. We can learn about shame, or worry, or guilt through actually knowing them in the body. Instead, we usually take a position in thought against such things, like, “judgment is bad; I have to not do that,” rather than actually knowing the mind state in the body. You have to allow yourself to know worry in the body to go beyond worry. You have to be able to feel self-judgment in the body to go beyond self-judgment. If you just erect an ideal, like “don’t judge,” then you’re just judging your self-judgment and you end up becoming militaristic and engaging in self-flagellation. You have to feel the self to go beyond the self.
So, do you really know the body? Sit and listen to it compassionately. The body likes that. We all hold things in our body. If I sit and listen to the body compassionately, I can see these contractions. The more I can see the contractions, the more of their opposite I can see – the more openness.
Ask yourself, “how can I be more connected with my sensorium, with my body?”
How present are you?
Are you really present to the bagel in the morning? Or are you in the future, anticipating work while you eat the bagel, and then at work you’re anticipating being home so you can watch “6 feet under.” How much time are you actually present? How much time do you spend in anticipation and distraction? You can only discover the goal of the spiritual path in presence, because the goal is outside of time.
How do I be present? You just are present. What is it like now? Don’t define the present moment. Just be present to it.
Spiritual practice is multi-faceted. There is the intellectual aspect, the social aspect. There is sitting practice. I find it’s helpful if all practice is grounded in something simple. Most of my practice is grounded in “presence.” My social practice though is also grounded in the structure of monastic life. That way I don’t have to worry too much about being a “personality,” I can just be a monk.
What structures do you have in your life to surrender to?
We try to design a life with structures that help us on the spiritual path, that help us cultivate an intellectual framework and be aware of the body, be present, and so on. In Buddhist monastic life there are given structures for this (the Vinaya). But in lay life, you need some other kind of structures.
Good structures foster simplicity. If you have many distractions, it’s hard to stay present.
Structures impose limits on you. Structure means you’re not allowed to move the furniture around once you set it up in a way that is conducive. Otherwise you end up shifting the furniture around all of your life. When I was a young monk, I really wanted to move the furniture around. But I couldn’t. Structures/limits/boundaries help you connect with the existential realities of your experience. Before I was in the monastery I never knew sadness well, because whenever I experienced sadness, I moved. I distracted myself. When I surrendered to the structure, I had to stay put and get to know my sadness, among other things. We need boundaries to connect with these things, to find out where our heart is actually at, to feel the contraction of the heart. Then you are able to actually notice the arising of “x” experience, and understand it, rather than just trying to get rid of it. You can start to notice the contrasts in your body between, for example, feeling judgment of others and feeling connected with others.
Boundaries help you cultivate spaciousness. If you have no space in your mind, you’ll be always reacting. Ask yourself how you can be someone who goes beyond just “buttons being pushed.” Structures help you create the right context for spiritual practice. You want to be challenged, but not overwhelmed. If you’re overwhelmed, structures may not be enough. You may have to leave the context. You won’t have enough spaciousness to practice, and you’ll just get burned out.
Our lifestyles are the design faults, not us – there is no time for spiritual practice. This is why focusing on simplicity is so important. You can “multi-task.” You can be in the committee meeting and still, as a second level of consciousness, be listening to your body. We want to be able to be aware within complexity, but the more complex your lifestyle is, the more difficult this becomes.
Concluding comments
Spiritual life doesn’t come through beliefs. It’s hard work. Ask yourself, “where do I want to be in five years time with my spiritual life?” It requires determination, but it’s a determination that comes from an interest in the mind state, not a militaristic, ideal-based kind of determination.