Audio Tape Review

Review of a talk given by Tara Brach

Introduction,This is a review of Tape 1a 'Can one be with imperfection without anxiety?' from Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach

The feeling of being deficient = shame = self aversion. Shame is our "not OKness" exposed to others. Paying attention to self aversion is the ground to the path. Spiritual awakening begins with an awareness of the source of suffering. Radical acceptance = mindfulness and love, or love of all of life. "The boundary of what we can accept is the boundary of our freedom."

World views Perfection View... here's something inherently wrong with me, humans are fallen from sin, spirituality concerns transcending the lower self, rising above it to become pure. There is distrust and control of the feminine earthy side of our being.

The perfection view exists in both Eastern and Western spiritual traditions. Wholeness Vie w... embracing all of who we are; becoming genuinely intimate with all parts of life and ourselves...not having to push the boulder up the mountain.

Our separateness is the source of all suffering. In our (Western) culture there is no sense of unconditional belonging. We are rewarded for winning/beating others, and there is no acceptance for differences. We are afraid of making mistakes and of failure; we become fearful and tense. The message we get is that our natural way of being is not OK. The gap between who we are and who we think we should be, is where the shame exists.

Shame = to cover (that which feels deficient). Shame is the most recently recognized emotion by psychologists. The #1 fear of people in the US is of public speaking (over all other fears). How many of us there are that are terrified to be seen and heard. In Tibetan Buddhism, there are animal headed goddesses at the entrance to the temple. We need to move through these in order to enter sacred space. Relaxing and opening to the fullness of our being, our animal like aspects, we discover that our essential nature is good.

Strategies for coping with Shame:

1. flee/avoid- e.g. into ad dictions... experiences which dull the shame or into depress ion... dulling all feelings including the shame. We can also flee into denial, for e.g., denying that anything is wrong, or with respect to sexuality, denying the truth of the passion of love.
2. fight/push away- disease of not belonging/not good enough. We judge and blame our self and others, using put downs as a way of communicating. Push away the sense of "I'm not good enough."
3. conform/compensate/please- Am i getting better? A form of secondary shame, that shows up in the areas of our life that are most important to us. Spirtual worthiness etc.to make up for "not being OK." Ideas of who we should be rather then knowing and accepting our human nature.

Tara was sick throughout an entire two week retreat. She observed that the suffering was not just in the illness.. here was unpleasantness, then fear, then judgment (not just a sore stomach). In our culture, put downs are a normal way of relating. We can become completely afraid to take risks, because we are so afraid to make mistakes.

There is shame and secondary shame. Secondary shame surrounds the coping mechanism to the first shame, for e.g. the coping mechanism of addictions. Buddha and Jung both said that what is hidden - this is where the suffering is. Our task on the spiritual path is to accept the rejected parts of our being/inner life. This requires mindfulness and love...like the two wings of a bird, both are required for flying or living. In other words, we all need to be both seen (mindfulness) and accepted (love). This is spiritual re parenting.

Rumi said that a human being is like a Guest House... within oneself, we need to welcome, with great honour, each guest who arrives.

Thanks, Emily